10 Surefire Ways to Affirm Your Child's Strengths and Inspire Confidence

As parents, we all want our children to reach their full potential and be the best they can be. It's a joy to watch them grow and develop, discovering their unique gifts and talents. As we nurture and support them along the way, we can't help but feel a sense of pride when they accomplish something they've worked hard for. But it's not always easy to know how to best support our children, especially when it comes to affirming their gifts and talents. That's why we've put together this blog post with ten actionable tips to help you empower your child and encourage them to shine brightly in all they do!

One: Point Out Their Accomplishments

When your child accomplishes something amazing, take the time to point it out. Let them know that you see their hard work and appreciate it. Instead of pointing out everything they are not doing, focus on what they are doing right.

Two: Make a List of Their Gifts and Talents

Take the time to make a list of your child's gifts and talents. Post these in their room for them to see every day. These constant reminders can be encouraging and help them realize their full potential.

Three: Share Positive Statements

Our words have the power to build up or tear down. Share positive statements that fight back against negative thoughts. Write cards or leave notes around the house that convey positive messages without negative ones. Your child will see these messages over and over again and build up their self-esteem.

Four: Remind Your Child of Their Self-Worth

Make sure your child understands that their self-worth is not tied to their abilities. Reinforce this by conveying this message in your expectations. Praise effort, encourage growth, and focus on progress rather than solely on success.

Five: Take Time to Process Mistakes

When your child makes mistakes, take the time to process how they feel and what they would like to do differently. Encourage open and honest communication rather than lecturing them. This helps your child to develop a growth mindset and learn from their mistakes.

Six: Expose Them to Opportunities

Expose your child to a variety of opportunities, such as clubs, sports, and creative activities. This helps them discover their passions and talents. Encourage them to explore and try new things.

Seven: Offer Encouragement and Support

Offer encouragement and support in their interests and passions. Attend recitals or games and show interest in their activities. This validates their efforts and supports their growth.

Eight: Celebrate Accomplishments

Celebrate your child's accomplishments, big or small. Acknowledge their efforts, and show them how proud you are of them. Celebrations can bolster motivation and inspire continued growth.

Nine: Recognize Strengths and Weaknesses

Recognize their strengths and weakness and how they play a role in their development. This recognition creates an environment where children learn that their weaknesses are not a judgment of their worth but an opportunity to develop.

Ten: Practice Patience

Finally, practice patience in your journey to affirm your child's gifts and talents. This journey takes time and effort, but it can help your child build their confidence and self-esteem.

Affirming your child's gifts and talents can boost their confidence and spur on hope. As parents, we have the opportunity to help our children reach their full potential by validating their uniqueness. By following these ten ways to affirm your child's gifts and talents, you can create an environment that supports growth, celebrates accomplishments, and fosters self-worth. Affirming your child's gifts and talents takes time, patience, and effort, but it is worth every moment to help your child unlock their fullest potential.

Photo by Sincerely Media on Unsplash

Train Up A Child

I have two children. Though both engaged in the same activities growing up, they favored different things when young. At 3 Chad was already giving me clues about his unique personality traits and bents. He was incredibly creative and would spend hours building intricate, ‘out of the box’, structures using recycled items. His vibrant drawings had more detail than his peers. This pint size kid also had an incredible ability to show compassion to others in a manner far beyond his years. I decided to pay attention to these natural bents and find opportunities to nurture, develop and support him in his areas of interests. Quite frankly, it wasn’t always easy. We share a few similar traits, so helping him develop those common traits seemed effortless. However, one area of tension was that I was an athlete and he was not!  It wasn’t just about wishing him to be an athlete, it was about my inability to figure out how to teach him the invaluable, life applicable lessons I learned from being one. Though difficult, I committed to not fight the urge to mould Chad into what I thought he should become, but rather, trust his heavenly Father had a perfect plan for him. Practically speaking, I needed to learn that the life lessons I discovered from being an athlete, Chad would gain as he developed his own natural traits. God was calling me to parent from faith not fear. This also meant trusting that Chad’s immerging personality, though different than mine, was God’s blueprint for Chad so he could accomplish the good works God had prepared for him to do from the beginning of time.

By 8th grade Chad purchased his very own apple computer with no financial help from us. He has also developed a deep love for photography. In a few short months he had mastered coding and began his own website designing business. As he continued to go to school, he found time to design church and business websites. His creativity, eye for color and ‘out of the box’ thinking gave him confidence to seek a career that allowed him to use his gifts. Today at 23, Chad loves Jesus. He is now a cinematographer, using those natural bents of creativity and color, to light scenes as well as be the eye behind the lens in the film and TV industry. His compassionate heart gives a voice to those who are homeless, struggling and forgotten. When I reflect on Chad’s childhood, I can clearly see God’s handiwork in Chad and how those traits were used to instill a clear purpose. This personal journey with Chad has made me a big advocate for parents and leaders to grasp the beauty of Proverbs 22:6.

Proverbs 22:6 is packed with powerful parenting wisdom around this concept and has the potential to revolutionize the way we parent. Unfortunately, it’s also one of the most misunderstood and misused verses. The Hebrew form of ‘the way he should go’ refers to ‘a child’s unique gifts/talents – his natural way/bent’. So in other words, this verse says, ‘Train up a child in (his unique gifts/talents by paying attention to his natural bent) and when he is old he will not depart from it.’  An arrow is designed to travel in a particular direction, depending on the bow’s bent. It’s all about the design of the bow. If you try to bend a bow differently than the way it is bent, you’re likely to miss your target. In the worst-case scenario, you’re likely to break the bow. Children are designed like bows to have their own individual bent to fulfill God’s given purposes.

So what are some practical things we as parents and leaders can do to identify and develop natural bents in children?

1. Provide an environment where they can be trained. As Christian parents God is vitally concerned with how we care for our children and how we train them in the ways of the Lord. They need to practically experience how the Lord is building our homes to be a household of faith where grace, mercy, forgiveness and even Godly discipline is practiced.

2. Become a student. Spend time learning about personality traits, learning styles, learning preferences and spiritual gifts. This will allow you to not only identify specifics in your children but also give you insight on how to link traits and purpose.

3. Observe your children and recognize their ‘bents’. Who are they? What do they prefer? What motivates them? What do they enjoy doing? What is difficult for them? How do your children’s distinctive personality traits facilitate the development of their unique gifts and talents?  Remind yourself that there’s a reason why your child is shy, assertive, introverted, extroverted, emotional, bossy, observant, curious, inquisitive, artistic, etc. It’s part of a bigger, unseen plan that’s unfolding in your child’s life.

4. Be intentional: Learn to number your days. Seize opportunities every day to nurture your child’s unique gifts and traits. Don’t leave it to chance.

5. Put scriptures to it. Find scriptures that give life to those traits. Since words have the power to give life, repeatedly share those scriptures with your children. Post them in their rooms so they’re reminded of their unique gifts and their link to scripture. Talk about those traits over and over again and remind them how God is going to use it for a bigger purpose.

6. Honor your child’s personality.  This doesn’t come without effort, especially if you have multiple children. As busy parents we tend to expect the same from all our children. Ask God to open your eyes and heart to the subtle traits that unique to your child.

7. Trust that you’re the right person. God has intentionally placed you in each of your children’s lives and you in theirs. He will equip you if you seek His wisdom. As you parent, God will continue to use the process to transform both your child and you, into His image.

8. Don’t live your life through your children. Don’t let your fears, past, or lack of experience decide how you’re going to raise your children. It will exasperate them. God desires to be your child’s potter – it’s not our job. Our job is to keep them pliable. Also, consider seeking professional counseling to help deal with fear and your past, or it will impact how you parent.

9. Build confidence to instill purpose. We’re designed ON purpose FOR a purpose. This purpose is shaped through our natural gifts and talents. Fighting against natural bents is fighting against God’s image and design in us and in our children. Commit to building confidence with what your children have rather than tearing them down with what they don’t have. Confidence allows children to experience success within who they’ve been created to be so when they grow older there’re less likely to depart from it.

10. Seek wisdom.  Pray without ceasing. Ask Him to give you a greater vision of your children than what you have for them. Ask Him to teach you how to lead your children in the way He has designed them to go. Invite other adults and leaders to partner with you as you raise your children. Ask them to help you discern traits, develop them and hold you accountable to an intentional plan.

Proverbs 22:6 shouldn’t be twisted to imply that if parents we did everything properly children will not rebel. To say so creates major issues with man’s free will to choose their own way. However when we pay attention to our child’s natural bent and help develop it, it not only instills life-purposes but also gives our children the ability to gain a greater perceptive of God as well as His intimate involvement in their lives.

15 Ways to Exasperate Your Children

As adults we can become intensely irritated, angered, maddened, enraged, provoked and infuriated. In other words you find yourselves being ‘exasperated’.  As parents we’re capable of provoking the same feelings in our children. However since their brains are still developing, the long-term impact of constantly exasperating them has severe negative relational and behavioral consequences. God in His wisdom warns parents to guard themselves from exasperating their children.

“Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2 “Honor your father and mother”—which is the first commandment with a promise— 3 “so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.” Ephesians 6:1-3 NIV

Before we bang this scripture verse over our children’s head and demand that they obey us, let’s not forget the fourth verse in this passage.

“4 Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.”

In this verse the spotlight turns directly to parents. This verse makes it pretty clear that God holds parents responsible for how we use our authority. We all want to be good parents - but sometimes, in wanting to do the right thing for our children - we end up doing it the wrong way because of how we approach it. And when we do the right thing the wrong way we exasperate our children. Colossians 3:21 talks about the cost of exasperating our children:

"Fathers, do not exasperate your children, so that they will not lose heart.”

Wow! The last thing we want to see happen is for our children to lose heart. When they do, we lose one of the most important battles in our lives– the battle for our child’s heart.

It’s clear parental authority comes with responsibility and accountability. First, we must model what it is to live under God’s authority so children see the benefits of living under God’s given structure and avoiding sin. Second, we must understand that the ultimate goal of teaching our children to walk in obedience under us, is to allow them to experience first hand the goodness of walking and respecting God’s authority. The fruit is a promise - that we will live a long and blessed life.

What would it look like to exasperate your children? How can you avoid doing so?

1. Abusing your power to discipline - Biblical discipline is not punishment - it is course correction. It is modeling Christ in parenting - it is ‘training a child in the ways he should go’ according to scripture – all to protect and shape a child’s heart.  Pray before reacting.

2. High expectations without understanding your child’s natural gifts, talents, learning style and unique personality traits – slow down, read and educate yourself on what is going on in your child’s natural stage of development.

3. Disciplining them without warning them (no matter what the age) – give grace the first time you see your child do something that is harmful. Take time to explain future consequence of repeating the same action.

4. Constantly administrating harsh discipline – harsh discipline hardens the heart towards you and God. If you’re not observing any change in your child’s behavior patterns, try administrating a different discipline.

5. When the time doesn’t match the crime.

6. Playing favoritism – We are born to receive our parents’ approval and favor. Favoritism makes children develop behavior patterns that are attention seeking rather than character building.

7. Withdrawing affection, especially after disciplining your children – it’s kindness and love that provides a place for children to safely turn their back on behaviors that are harmful in their life. Make it a habit to hug your child, or playing with them when you’re done disciplining them.

8. When your yes is not a yes and your no is not a no – talk about confusing! Children thrive under consistent as well as predictable guidelines.

9. When you don’t apologize – If you want to raise a child after God’s own heart, model asking for forgiveness. It’s the key to all healthy relationships.

10. Over-protecting them – one of the goals of parenting is to teach them to gain independence as you earn their trust. Over protecting as well as micro-managing them kills their confidence and lowers their self-esteem. Let them learn the hard way - don’t bail them out of situations. 

11. Not keeping a promise – use your ‘promises’ wisely. A broken promise leaves long-term scars on a child’s heart and mind. In spite of the fact that we continue to break our heavenly Father’s heart, he has never broken His promises towards us. Children internalize broken promises as loss of love, attention and value.

12. Embarrassing them in private and in public – it’s a gateway to feelings of shame.

13. Model hypocrisy- Hypocrisy leads to disrespect and loss of credibility. Get in a habit of admitting your failure to meet expectations.

14. Not listening to them –Teach them how to respectfully share their feelings with you. Listen, be slow to react!

15. Treating them as your friends rather than your children. This is especially true in case of marital conflict. Children are not designed to parent their parents. Role reversal shortens their emotional development and leads to unhealthy future relationships.

    Raising a toddler? Read my blog about how not to exasperate your toddler.

Photo by Janko Ferlič on Unsplash