Biblical Parenting: Disciplining with Love and Purpose

Parenting is undoubtedly one of the most rewarding yet challenging journeys one can embark on. As believers, our approach to parenting is deeply rooted in the wisdom of the Bible. Proverbs 22:6 sets the tone for our discussion: "Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it." This verse, along with Proverbs 22:15, provides valuable insights into the importance of discipline in raising children.

The Purpose of Discipline: Shaping Character, Not Just Correcting Behavior

Proverbs 22:6 emphasizes the long-term impact of proper training. Discipline, as advocated by the Bible, is not merely about punishment for wrongdoing. It is a tool for shaping the character of our children, guiding them towards a life grounded in faith and morality. The intention is to mold their hearts and minds so that they naturally incline toward righteousness.

Discipline as a Form of Love

Proverbs 13:24 reminds us, "Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him." This verse underscores the concept that discipline, when administered with love and diligence, is an expression of care for our children. It is not about inflicting pain but about steering them away from harmful paths and towards the way of righteousness.

Understanding Proverbs 22:15: The Foolishness Bound in a Child's Heart

"Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline drives it far from him" (Proverbs 22:15). This verse acknowledges the natural tendency of children to exhibit foolish behavior. Instead of condemning them, it encourages parents to use discipline as a means of guiding their children away from folly and towards wisdom.

Discipline for Character Formation

Hebrews 12:11 provides a New Testament perspective on discipline: "For the moment, all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it." Discipline, when rooted in love and aimed at character formation, brings about lasting positive change in the lives of our children. It is an investment in their spiritual and moral well-being.

Striking the Balance: Behavior Management and Character Formation

Finding the balance between managing behavior and forming character is a common challenge for parents. Ephesians 6:4 offers guidance: "Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord." It reminds us to approach discipline with a holistic view, combining correction with instruction in the ways of the Lord.

As parents, our responsibility goes beyond raising well-behaved children; we are called to nurture hearts that love and follow Jesus. Proverbs 22:6 encourages us to invest in the spiritual training of our children, and Proverbs 22:15 reminds us of the need for disciplined guidance. Through love, diligence, and a focus on character formation, we can embrace the Biblical principles of parenting, shaping the next generation to walk in the ways of the Lord.

Photo by Austin Pacheco on Unsplash

Strengthen Your Marriage With the Science of Laughter | Blog by Kal Otis

We've all heard the phrase "laughter is the best medicine," but did you know that it can also be the key to a successful marriage? Many studies have shown that couples who share a sense of humor and laughter in their relationship have stronger bonds and happier marriages. In fact, science even supports that laughter has positive effects on our bodies and minds - from releasing feel-good neurotransmitters to reducing stress hormones. So, if you want to strengthen your relationship and enjoy a happy, long-lasting marriage, it's time to start taking laughter seriously.

The Science of Laughter

From the moment we are born, our brain is hardwired to form deep attachments with others. This drive for attachment is so strong that it becomes the most important thing in our lives. When we form deep connections with others, we experience an overwhelming sense of joy and fulfillment. Conversely, when those attachments are not formed or are broken, we can feel extreme pain and despair.

As infants, we form these attachments because we are completely dependent on others for our survival. Although we may not remember these early experiences, they are crucial in building the neural circuitry that shapes our relationships throughout our lifetime. Surprisingly, by the time we reach 12-18 months old, these experiences have already encoded the neural circuitry in our brains. These patterns become the ‘rules’, schemas, and templates for how we relate to others for the rest of our lives.

It is important to recognize the profound impact that our earliest relational experiences have on us. These experiences shape the very foundation of our relationships and can influence how we interact with others for our entire lives. By understanding this, we can work to build positive, healthy attachments with others and work to heal any past wounds that may be impacting our current relationships.

The Power of Positive Emotions

Emotions are an incredibly powerful force in our lives, and they are, in fact, a form of energy. Science shows that when it comes to forming attachments, the human brain has two primary ways of bonding: through joy or through fear. Our emotions exist on a continuum, with love at one end and fear at the other. And interestingly, the emotions closest to love include joy, appreciation, happiness, contentment, and satisfaction, while the ones closest to fear are hatred, insecurity, jealousy, and greed.

But what's even more fascinating is that science has found that love and fear have vastly different vibrational frequencies, and these frequencies can be measured. Love vibrates at an incredibly fast rate, whereas fear-based emotions, such as jealousy, possessiveness, hatred, and greed, vibrate very slowly. So, when we love completely and unconditionally, there is simply no room for fear. The vibrations of love are so powerful that they fill us with joy and positivity at all times.

This means that the more we focus on love and positivity, the more our brain will naturally form healthy and strong attachments. By cultivating feelings of joy, contentment, and satisfaction, we can wire our brains to seek out positive experiences and relationships. On the other hand, when we allow fear and negativity to take hold, we risk forming unhealthy and potentially damaging attachments based on insecurity and jealousy. So, if you want to build a strong and meaningful relationship, sharing laughter and joy is the key to strengthening your emotional bond because it creates a more positive environment for your relationship to thrive.

The Benefits of Humor in Marriage

When we laugh, our brains release dopamine and serotonin, two essential neurotransmitters that regulate our 'feel-good' emotions. These chemicals make us feel happy, relaxed, and more open to bonding with others. Moreover, laughter has been shown to reduce cortisol, the stress hormone that can wreak havoc on our bodies and minds. So, by laughing together, couples can not only boost their mood but also reduce tension, defensiveness and conflict in their relationship. Moreover, couples who share a sense of humor tend to have more fun together, enjoy a greater sense of closeness, and are better equipped to handle stress and challenges in their relationship.

Tips for Adding More Laughter to Your Marriage

If you want to incorporate more laughter and humor into your marriage, here are some tips to get started:

1. Walk in each other’s shoes: Seek to understand, and develop compassion as well as empathy for your spouse.

2. Share jokes or funny stories: Take the time to share jokes or funny stories with each other. It can be a simple way to lighten the mood and create moments of joy in your marriage.

3. Create inside jokes: Develop your own inside jokes that are unique to your relationship. These inside jokes can be a source of shared laughter and connection between you and your partner.

4. Plan regular date nights: Make it a priority to plan regular date nights that are centered around fun and laughter. Go to a funny movie, play board games, or engage in other activities that you both enjoy and that make you laugh.

5. Embrace silliness and playfulness: Allow yourselves to be silly and playful with each other. Playful banter, tickling, or engaging in playful pranks can add an element of fun and laughter to your marriage.

6. Incorporate humor into your communication: Use humor in your everyday communication with your partner. Share funny anecdotes or use light-hearted humor to diffuse tense situations.

7. Practice gratitude and appreciation: Expressing gratitude and appreciation towards each other can create a positive atmosphere in your marriage, leading to more laughter and joy.

8. Surround yourselves with positive and humorous people: Spend time with friends or family members who have a good sense of humor and enjoy laughter. Being around positive and humorous people can help create a fun and joyful environment in your marriage.

9. Learn to laugh at yourselves: Don't be afraid to laugh at your own mistakes or flaws. Embrace self-deprecating humor and learn to find humor in your own imperfections, which can bring you closer together as a couple.

   Laughter truly is the best medicine for a happy and successful marriage. By understanding the science of laughter and its positive effects on our mood and relationships, couples can use humor as a powerful tool to strengthen their emotional bond and create a more positive atmosphere in their relationship. So, make laughter a priority in your marriage and enjoy all the benefits that come with sharing a good laugh with your partner.

10 Surefire Ways to Affirm Your Child's Strengths and Inspire Confidence

As parents, we all want our children to reach their full potential and be the best they can be. It's a joy to watch them grow and develop, discovering their unique gifts and talents. As we nurture and support them along the way, we can't help but feel a sense of pride when they accomplish something they've worked hard for. But it's not always easy to know how to best support our children, especially when it comes to affirming their gifts and talents. That's why we've put together this blog post with ten actionable tips to help you empower your child and encourage them to shine brightly in all they do!

One: Point Out Their Accomplishments

When your child accomplishes something amazing, take the time to point it out. Let them know that you see their hard work and appreciate it. Instead of pointing out everything they are not doing, focus on what they are doing right.

Two: Make a List of Their Gifts and Talents

Take the time to make a list of your child's gifts and talents. Post these in their room for them to see every day. These constant reminders can be encouraging and help them realize their full potential.

Three: Share Positive Statements

Our words have the power to build up or tear down. Share positive statements that fight back against negative thoughts. Write cards or leave notes around the house that convey positive messages without negative ones. Your child will see these messages over and over again and build up their self-esteem.

Four: Remind Your Child of Their Self-Worth

Make sure your child understands that their self-worth is not tied to their abilities. Reinforce this by conveying this message in your expectations. Praise effort, encourage growth, and focus on progress rather than solely on success.

Five: Take Time to Process Mistakes

When your child makes mistakes, take the time to process how they feel and what they would like to do differently. Encourage open and honest communication rather than lecturing them. This helps your child to develop a growth mindset and learn from their mistakes.

Six: Expose Them to Opportunities

Expose your child to a variety of opportunities, such as clubs, sports, and creative activities. This helps them discover their passions and talents. Encourage them to explore and try new things.

Seven: Offer Encouragement and Support

Offer encouragement and support in their interests and passions. Attend recitals or games and show interest in their activities. This validates their efforts and supports their growth.

Eight: Celebrate Accomplishments

Celebrate your child's accomplishments, big or small. Acknowledge their efforts, and show them how proud you are of them. Celebrations can bolster motivation and inspire continued growth.

Nine: Recognize Strengths and Weaknesses

Recognize their strengths and weakness and how they play a role in their development. This recognition creates an environment where children learn that their weaknesses are not a judgment of their worth but an opportunity to develop.

Ten: Practice Patience

Finally, practice patience in your journey to affirm your child's gifts and talents. This journey takes time and effort, but it can help your child build their confidence and self-esteem.

Affirming your child's gifts and talents can boost their confidence and spur on hope. As parents, we have the opportunity to help our children reach their full potential by validating their uniqueness. By following these ten ways to affirm your child's gifts and talents, you can create an environment that supports growth, celebrates accomplishments, and fosters self-worth. Affirming your child's gifts and talents takes time, patience, and effort, but it is worth every moment to help your child unlock their fullest potential.

Photo by Sincerely Media on Unsplash

Understanding Your Spouse’s Learning Style for Better Communication

We all learn differently. The way we receive information is based on our mental processing; it affects how we present information to others, too. In marriage, misunderstandings often arise due to differences in learning styles and the lack of effort to understand one another. Over the years, I have spent time exploring learning styles and ways to customize communication in marriage. Let’s take a look at the idea of understanding your spouse’s learning style for better communication in relationships. 

What is a Learning Style? 

A learning style is defined as “the way in which each person absorbs, processes comprehends, and retains information." Everyone has their own unique style of learning; it can be visual (seeing), auditory (hearing), reading/writing (text-based) or kinesthetic (touch). It's important to note that everyone has their own unique blend of these four types of learning styles. To get a better handle on your spouse’s unique blend of learning styles, ask yourself these questions: what are their strengths? What do they respond to best? What makes them feel comfortable when receiving new information? These questions can help you gain insight into how your spouse learns best. 

The Benefits of Understanding Your Spouse’s Learning Style

When you take the time to understand your spouse's individual approach to learning, you will be better able to communicate with them more effectively. This could mean speaking slower if they are an auditory learner or including visuals if they are a visual learner. The more you understand their personal preferences, the more likely you are able to get through difficult conversations without misunderstanding each other or feeling unheard by one another. Additionally, understanding your spouse’s unique blend of learning styles can also help strengthen your relationship by showing them that you care enough about them and value them enough to take the time to understand and adjust accordingly. 

At the end of the day, there is no single solution for effective communication in marriage–especially when it comes down to our differences in mental processing–but taking the time to understand our spouses’ personalities and preferences can make communicating with one another easier and more meaningful over time. When we make an effort towards understanding our spouses' individual approach to receiving and processing information, we break down barriers that keep us from truly connecting with one another on an emotional level. Understanding each other's unique blend of learning styles can go a long way in helping us strengthen our relationships with one another!

Marriage and Learning style stories.

Photo by JD Mason on Unsplash

10 Lessons Learned: Supporting Our College Bound Student and Preparing to be Empty Nesters

Our son was college-bound, and we were about to become empty nesters. This phase is an interesting moment in time - a bitter-sweet passage filled with mixed emotions for everyone involved.

When our son was young, we nurtured his natural bents and found opportunities to develop and support his aptitudes. It wasn’t always easy. Though difficult, we committed to resisting the urge to mold him into what we thought he should become. Instead, we asked God to help us discern how He was masterfully designed by Him to fulfill a purpose and give us the tools to train him in the way he should go.

Now years later, it was time to let go. Our college-bound son was brimming with excitement and optimism to further develop his God-given talents. He was more than ready to head out to college. This was our second rodeo – our daughter had left the nest five years ago. We knew from past experiences that our role and the dynamics of our relationship with our son and each other were unquestionably going to shift. This time around, we decided to be intentional about preparing for the changes it was about to bring. Instead of deep grief and loneliness, we experienced joy and even began to enjoy each other, our son, and the extra time we had in ways we would never have dreamed of.

Here are 10 lessons we learned about supporting our college-bound student and preparing to be empty nesters. They may help you too.

#1 It still takes a village

Often parents, especially mothers, feel they are no longer mothers when their children leave the nest. The truth is, being a parent is not a short-term commitment but a lifetime covenant. Being a mother or a father is not limited by age or proximity. Just like every phase of parenting calls us to a parent differently, so does this phase. We learned how to become parents to our emerging adults by receiving guidance from those that had done it well before us (Prov. 11:14.).

#2 Your feelings matter

Once your nest is empty, find the space to honor your own feelings and shed tears.

#3 Be happy for them

I cannot stress this enough: take the time to work through your worries, sadness or nervousness with your spouse or adult friends and not with your college-bound student. Be happy and excited for them. This allows them to leave the nest with much-needed confidence.

#4 Pray

Pray fervently (1 Peter 5:7) for your college student and yourself. How you respond and what you do in their absence can either have a positive or negative impact on your college student, your marriage and you.

#5 Be Intentional with your time

“Your child’s life will be filled with fresh experiences. It’s good if yours is as well.”

—Dr. Margaret Rutherford.

To raise a child who is comfortable enough to leave you means you’ve done your job. They are a gift from God - not ours to keep but to teach how to soar on their own and fulfill their God-given purpose. And as they leave the nest, we must also find the strength to search our hearts for the purposes God wants us to fulfill in the next phase of life. After the whirlwind parenting brings, empty nesting has the potential to make you wonder how you fit in the world.

Ecclesiastes 3:2 says there is a time to plant and a time to uproot. For us, the new season opened the door to personal freedom and meaningful relationships. Months before your student leaves home, pray and make a list of things you want to learn or do. Prioritize each other and your marriage. Find rewarding ways to spend the time you now have - like mentoring a young mom or dad, investing in a student, or volunteering (2 Tim. 1:5, Titus 2:3–5, Heb. 13:7). Find communities that share the same values as you. Cultivate adult friendships that bring meaning and push you to become a better version of yourself.

#6 Set check-in guidelines

Students tell me that their parents scam their phones when they get to college. Adjusting to college life and its demands outside the warmth of one’s home is genuinely difficult. No wonder students ghost their parents. You may think you are supporting your student but blowing up their phones does nothing but add more pressure. Establish and agree on a time to catch up and check in before your student leaves for college. Trust, that if your student needs you, he or she will reach out to you.

#7 Hands-off unless invited

Your student is changing drastically. He or she is now an emerging adult who secretly still needs their parents’ approval while they figure out how to do adulting without your help. When your student struggles, resist the need to solve their problems unless they ask you to help them. Boost their confidence by being a good listener and encouraging them to find their own solutions.

#8 Shower them with words of affirmation

College life is not easy. Find ways to remind your student that you love them and are proud of them.

#9 Send home-made packages

Send them care packages with their favorite things. For years, one of my favorite things to do was to invite other mothers who had students in college to my home to bake, write cards, pray and pack care packages.

#10 Acknowledge and celebrate changes

Commit to understanding and celebrating the changes your student has experienced while at college. Most students tell me that it is extremely difficult to come back home during their breaks. They rather stay away if they could afford it. Their number one complaint is that their parents still see them as the kid that left for college rather than the emerging adult that has experienced drastic changes and is learning to take ownership of their time and actions.

Work together on modifying previous house rules and establishing new expectations. Trust me, the time they have at home is limited. Use it wisely to fight for their heart and enrich your relationship with them.

Do you and your college-bound student need support? Contact us today

Parenting a Teen – 4 Ways Empathy Makes a Difference

Growing up is a lot of work!

During each stage of development, kids experience something new physically, socially, emotionally, cognitively, and intellectually. When teenagers begin to make irrational, emotional decisions, parents tend to lose patience and panic. This lends itself to a cycle of parent-teen conflicts at a very critical time in their teen’s life.

One of the most important tools parents need to have to help their teens (and themselves) thrive through the turmoil is a strong sense of empathy.

As teens approach puberty, it’s easy to see the changes unfolding in their body physically but not so in their brain. The emotional center of their brain is more developed than the decision-making part of the brain. This puts their emotions on overdrive and logic in the back seat! Here are a few tips to help you stay focused on what’s important during this time.

Maintain the parent-teen relationship – fight for their heart

While you’re confused and angry about your teen’s behavior, your teen is breaking away from you. You might get the impression that your teen doesn’t need you. Not true! In a rapidly changing world, despite how your teen behaves, he or she longs for parental stability, safety, and belonging. When you’re in the middle of a conflict and emotions are running high, put your empathy hat on. Keep your cool, ask reflective questions, and actively listen. Give them time to cool down. This changes their brain chemistry. Repeat what you heard them say. Make them feel understood. Add humor to your conversations and don’t forget to just have fun. If you want to share a different perceptive and be heard, do it later! You might have to wait a day or two but that’s okay.

Do everything it takes to fight for your teen’s heart and maintain your relationship.

Help your teen stay healthy – body and mind

None of us want to recall how awkward teen years can be. You can develop empathy for your teen by recalling how difficult those years were for you. Over the years, I’ve helped many teens deal with anxiety brought on by surges of change. My goal is to help them identify triggers and regulate their response to them. This reduces the number of chemicals released into the brain from the anxiety. One of the most overlooked aspects of brain chemistry is its need to be watered, fed, emptied, and exercised.

Our ability to think clearly and be creative, alert, and logical is directly impacted by water, food, and sleep intake.

Additionally, exercising during ‘hormone surge years’ can help teens respond less emotionally. Buy your teen a journal and encourage them to dump all their thoughts on paper. This will allow them to sleep more peacefully and respond to situations less emotionally.

Plan risk-taking adventures with your teen - and engage

As they start to develop their own value system, teens begin to think out of the box. They take risks to tangibly discover if what they have been taught about life is true. Risk behaviors make us feel good because our brain releases adrenaline and dopamine.

Here is another opportunity for parents to put on their empathy hat – provide safe risk-taking opportunities and engage with them in the process. This helps your teen discover healthy ways to experience what their brain is craving while avoiding tragic consequences.

Avoid lecturing your teen on the consequences of poor choices. Instead research and share real, poor risk behavior stories to help them think through the consequences.

Parenting a teen requires help - ask for it

While all this change is going on, your teen is expected to make one of the most critical decisions of his or her life. Making college and career choices with their emotional, rather than their logical part of their brain can have negative, life-long consequences. I’ve found that often students make career choices based on a glamorized, rather than a realistic perceptive of that career. Recently one of my clients wanted to become a nurse, though she did not have the aptitude to become one, simply because she wanted to wear scrubs! Some students decide to attend a college based on where their closest friends or significant others are attending.

The simple truth is students need help to avoid making emotional decisions.

The best way to preserve your relationship with them is by asking friends, teachers, and counselors who can empathize with your teen to step in and help them launch into adulthood and all the decisions that come with it.

A great time to start developing empathy and adding it to your parenting tool-kit is now. Helping your teenager in these four ways can make an immeasurable difference. Keep going parents - you can do it!

Kal has spent the last thirty years working with teens developing empathy, good listening, and communication skills to help them navigate college and life decisions. Contact us today to find out how we can help.

Photo by Nick Fewings on Unsplash

What Our Dog Taught Us About Life and God

Meet Dazie Chew Chew…

 My family of four was going through a rough time – all for different reasons. We love dogs so we decided to visit our local Pets Mart to get some free pet hugs and comfort on adoption day. My son Chad and Dazie become BFF'S as soon as they laid eyes on each other. As a 1-year old puppy – she was beyond adorable! That day, our family of 4 became 5!

As most rescue stories start, it wasn’t a happy one. She was thrown out of a moving car on a highway. A kindhearted soul saw it happening and brought her to the ‘Almost Home Foundation’. A sweet lady fostered her for weeks before we met her. She saw red flags with her and was she right! We had challenges galore. She was starved and had lost the will to eat. She was quiet – no barks to be heard! She was afraid of tight spaces – the crate was an epic failure! The mere sight of a broom had her running into a different room. She was afraid of men, loud voices and the basement. She was curious about everything and afraid of it all at the same time. Let’s face it, like Dazie we all have baggage. She was a constant reminder to our family that God adopts us into His family through Jesus, in spite of the size of our baggage (Ephesians 1:5).

She slept a human!

In the months and years that followed our love and patience towards her overshadowed her insecurities. That’s also my story. It took a while but God’s unexplainable love continues to make me whole from my past, which gives me the freedom to explore who God has designed me to be (1 John 4:18). Dazie was no longer the quiet, non-responsive dog we brought home. We discovered she was expensive with double disc surgeries and constant visits to the vets. She couldn’t handle temperature extremes. She would lie in front of wall vents to cool down or warm-up. She enjoyed her own Posturepedic mattress – double layers - but she preferred ours! She hated getting wet. Her bark was 100 times louder than her ‘bite’. She slept and opened Christmas gifts like a human. She was a horsepower at the dog park – dogs bigger than she would roll over in defeat. When we settled in bed at night to read a book and unwind she would climb into bed with us and slip under the covers. She would take a deep sigh as she rested her chin on our ankles – that sweet moment never failed to wash over us with peace and comfort.

She knew Saturdays. It meant a ride in the car & a pup-puccino!

She had spunk and her curiosity got her into constant trouble. She fought with a skunk, got sprayed (multiple times) and won. She hated the sound of the UPS truck driving down the street, and one day decided to play ‘chicken’ with it. They collided. To our amazement she bounced right back, bound into the open door of the truck, and kissed the driver, who thought he had killed her. Our walks were never 'walks' – she sniffed her way through miles of pavement, always alert, waiting to pounce on any four-legged creature that dared to cross her path. While on a walk, she gracefully leaped and caught a bird in flight! She caught a mole, killed it and left it for us on our back porch. She once jumped up on the counter, ate five bags of hotdog buns and got sick. Her shenanigans had natural consequences but she was relentless to try again! I don’t know about you but like Dazie, I’m a slow learner when it comes to not repeating mistakes! Dazie’s shenanigans reminded me of what the Apostle Paul said, “I don’t really understand myself, for I want to do what is right, but I don’t do it. Instead, I do what I hate.” I can relate! I’m glad that I can never outdo God’s patience when my curiosities get me into trouble or when I fail (Numbers 14:18).

What amazed me most was her uncanny emotional intelligence. She had this profound sense of intuition about her family. It was as if she could see into our hearts and bypass all of our mixed up, confused thinking, our uncertainties and qualms, our plans and plotting our worries and concerns—and reach us on a much purer level. Loud voices scared her – she would shake like a leaf. That didn’t stop her from walking up to us and kissing us when we argued. I’m not sure how she did it –she battled everything we battled as a family - depression, anxiety, allergies, infections, and even cancer. Words often fail us when we try to make ourselves known to others. She didn’t need words – she just understood. Her empathy levels were off the charts and that’s why she was a best friend to each of us. As humans, we want to be known and she knew us. She deepened our realization of how it feels to be known by our Creator –God knows every single thought and detail about us (Psalm 139:1-6).

She was very nurturing & protective towards little ones!

It’s often difficult to feel unconditionally loved by others in this world. Dazie WAS unconditional love! She was a daily reminder of what God’s unconditional love feels like. In spite of how I feel in the middle of my mistakes and shortcomings, God never separates me from Him (Romans 8:38-39). His kind of love is beyond humbling and it never fails to awestruck me. Dazie wagged her tail every time she saw us – no matter what mood she or we were in. She gave us big kisses, even when she got yelled at and we disappointed her. She instantly forgave no matter how we behaved towards her. She was abused by her first owners- she had every right to hold a grudge – she didn’t. She trusted and loved everyone that walked through our door (not a good watchdog!).

Waiting to wag her tail…

On my days off she would follow me around but when it was time she would leave my side and eagerly position herself on top of the window seat to wait for my husband or kids to come home. She sensed time and it was always perfect. As she neared her 13th birthday, she was slowly losing her ability to use one of her legs…cancer got her. It didn’t slow her down. She continued to embrace life with the same vigor and zeal while we scrambled to figure out how we were going to live life without her. We prayed hard for a miracle but we also knew the heartache of adopting her was that we would outlive her. As she neared the last few weeks of her life, she grew more attached to us. A week before she passed, instead of leaving me to sit at the window to wait for Charles, she moved up beside me and leaned her weight into me. I sat down on the floor, held her and bawled. I opened my eyes and met hers. They were eyes with a message. She was letting me know that it was going to be okay no matter what. She changed her pattern for an hour to let me know – I have no doubt. I really don’t know how dogs know. It’s one of God’s great mysteries – and I will no doubt learn more about it when I see God, who eagerly awaits my homecoming. The bond of love and devotion between dogs and humans crosses the bounds of any other species – that’s what makes them more than pets. We thank God for His perfect timing! Dazie was a perfect member of our family who entered our lives when all four of us needed it the most. 

Now, as we settle in bed at night to read a book we miss her climbing into bed with us, and slipping underneath the covers. Her deep sigh and her chin on our ankles will forever be missed. Her loss is a constant heartache. I know it will diminish in time, but what she was to us and what we experienced about God will not!

15 Family Advent Ideas

I love all things Christmas – the lights, the songs, the smells, the corny movies and the meaningful traditions. I’m one of those - I could listen to Christmas songs all year long and leave the tree up till March. Something about Christmas makes me want to re-capture my long, lost sense of wonder and mystery – maybe that’s why I want to prolong the season. To a child, Christmas is a magical time filled with excitement and newness. It’s a time when parents establish traditions and create opportunities for their family to immerse themselves in the festivities related to the true meaning of Christmas.

Often as parents we engage in the same seasonal routines without realizing the long-term impact it has on our families. Though my son is now an adult, he is quick to make sure that I wait to include him in all the activities that I did with him while he was growing up. They didn’t start as traditions but over time they have become that. I see in him a deep desire to keep those traditions alive…why?

Studies show that traditions give us a strong sense of belonging and comfort. They remind us that we are part of history – it gives meaning to our past, shapes who we are today and who we are likely to become tomorrow. As a parent traditions give me an opportunity to reinforce the values and beliefs that I hold dear.

What values and beliefs do your Christmas traditions reflect? Here are a few our mine:

1. Make ‘nativity’ the focus in your home by displaying it where your family can see it everyday.  

   1. As our kids got older I would hide one of the figurines and challenge my family to guess who was missing and play sleuth till the figurine was found.

   2. The day that the figurine was found, our mealtime discussion revolved around that character’s part was in the Christmas story. I humanized that character by asking questions like – “how do you think ______ felt?” “If you were _____ how would you feel?” etc.

   3. After dinner we would all look for Jesus a few days leading up to December 25th (My kids would look for Jesus but wouldn’t find Him). Advent, the weeks leading up to the birth of Jesus is really a time of preparation to celebrate the birth of Jesus. I built excitement about the missing ‘Jesus’ and talked about the ‘longing’ the Jews felt while waiting for the Messiah.

   4. On Christmas day, we would wake up and look for Jesus, place him in the manger and talk about how God sent his son to be ‘with us’- Emmanuel! God with us! We took time to reflect on our need of a Savior. As my kids got older, our conversations became deeper.

2. Invite friends to a Christmas Open House Birthday party for Jesus. Decorate, bake a cake and sing happy birthday. Encourage attendees to bring a ‘Toys for Tots’ or ‘Angel Tree’ gift.

3. Find a single or sick mom and offer to buy gifts for the kids as well as clean and decorate their home.  Years ago I was blessed by friends that surprised me with this when I was fighting cancer. Their gift to me will forever hold a special place in my heart.  

4. Limit the number of gifts your kids receive to 3 things – a need, a want and a dream.

5. Create opportunities for your kids to earn money. Take them shopping and buy gifts for a charitable organization.

6. Make goodies and handmade cards for neighbors, shut-ins and community officers.

7. Visit the children’s hospital and sing carols and/or handout gifts.

8. Gift opening can be a blur since kids are eager and excited to open gifts on Christmas morning. Every year I read a different Christmas Story book and asked our kids to listen for their assigned ‘keywords’ to unwrap their gifts.

9. Buy or make an ornament that encapsulates a year - in each of your family member’s life. When my son was into photography, I bought a camera ornament, when my daughter was into Barbie’s I bought a Barbie ornament. Add the year to the back. It’s become a tradition in our home to hang ornaments with my son who loves listening to the stories associated with each ornament.

10. One of our favorite things to do till this day is to get into our pajamas, pack some hot coco and cookies and drive around neighborhoods to see light displays.

11. Read the Christmas Story from Luke 2. When the kids were young they would reenact the story as I read it and as they got older, they took turns reading it.

12. Attend Christmas services as a family.

13. Invite friends over for Christmas dinner. We’ve always had guests with us at Christmas Eve or day dinner. I’m proud of the fact that my kids have learned to share Christmas with others. Years of deep and meaningful conversations with those at our table have shaped our children’s understanding of diversity and relationships.

Photo by Gareth Harper on Unsplash